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Post by Weasel Pie on Sept 3, 2016 22:33:43 GMT
Ever come across a movie so bad that you want to warn people about it?
A thread for the worst of the worst!
First up, Lost River, written and directed by Ryan Gosling, and starring Christina Hendricks and Matt Smith.
Sounds interesting, no? Well it's not. It's a huge pile of crap full of depravity - joyless, soulless and artless. Horrid, self-indulgent, ghastly, obscene and incredibly... shitty.
Simply one of the worst things I've ever seen. Do not watch this movie.
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Post by Some Pig No Doubt on Sept 4, 2016 1:42:22 GMT
There's always Battlefield Earth... lol
Let me preface by saying that I am a huge fan of really schlocky movies - I have seen probably every ridiculous SyFy creature mashup and "horror" (I use the term loosely) !Original Production! ever made, and religiously watched Gilbert Gottfried's Up! All Night marathons for years. We are talking not B, not C, not even D-rated stuff, more like W if we're feeling generous. They're bad; so bad they're good. Mix in the cult classics like Attack of the Killer Tomatoes / Repo Man / Toxic Avenger and we've got a badness party going on.
That being said, movies like the one you describe make me crazy - the ones that try so hard to be all dramatic and avant garde that they completely fail to do what a movie is essentially supposed to do, which is entertain. Even with A-list actors, they are either stale and boring or so meta and full of pretentious diatribes that I just can't even through all the officiousness. It's like you can see on the actor's faces and even in the directorial choices "I was in a slump and needed the money" or "I owed someone in the industry a favor".
Off top of my head, my worst offenders that have stayed in my mind for being so utterly, horribly, terrible in a serious way are: Black Dahlia, Body of Evidence (this was a total phone-in for Willem Dafoe, although one of many horrible performances from Madonna), By the Sea (ditto for Brangelina), and a shitshow that I can't even believe I'm admitting here that I watched, much less actually watched, titled Full Body Massage. I watched this one in a hotel room on a business trip pre-mobile-browser age, with literally nothing else on besides Telemundo, and for reasons still unknown I watched the entire thing, which is two hours of a nude Mimi Rogers getting rubbed by her masseuse Bryan Brown (for your Six Degrees of Tom Cruise there) while discussing relationships and waxing profound on various philosophical questions. No, really. Truly the worst thing I have ever seen; even Mimi's considerable boobage doesn't make up for the sheer awfulness of this movie.
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Post by min on Sept 4, 2016 5:31:32 GMT
One of the best worst movies made for under $100 was Evil Dead the original. I both screamed and laughed hysterically throughout the whole thing.
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Post by jnr on Sept 4, 2016 13:55:03 GMT
The very worst I recall offhand are Highlander II and Ghost Rider II (which have something obvious in common -- a proven red flag for bad movies).
A particularly bad movie I saw recently was Pompeii, starring the little-known actor Kit Harington, but it's not in the same league of hilarious, awe-inspiring incompetence as the other two.
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Post by Some Pig No Doubt on Sept 4, 2016 14:31:09 GMT
One of the best worst movies made for under $100 was Evil Dead the original. I both screamed and laughed hysterically throughout the whole thing. Evil Dead is a classic. The As vs. Evil Dead series now on Starz is amazing too - it's shamefully only 30 min per episode, but I sit there the entire time with a huge grin on my face because it's so delightfully campy. Bruce Campbell was made to do this. |
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Post by jnr on Sept 4, 2016 19:56:00 GMT
IMDB ratings: Highlander II -- 4.1 Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance -- 4.3 Those are incredibly bad numbers.  And not good bad like Evil Dead, where things like continuity glitches are transformed into art. |
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Post by Ser Duncan on Sept 6, 2016 15:52:37 GMT
The 5th Wave. Don't click that hyperlink unless you want to lose 2 hours of your life that you will not get back. It's yet another horrible adaptation of a young adult novel. Completely nonsensical, and the plot is so obvious they might as well just put in arrows and asterisks.
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Post by min on Sept 6, 2016 20:00:21 GMT
Noah I went to see this with my sisters expecting some epic re-imagining; you know Russell Crowe, Anthony Hopkins, Hermione... In all there were about 20 sad and lonely people in the audience, all of whom came out of the theater with a keen sense of embarrassment. I just couldn't stop laughing as I could soooooo relate. I understand why Russell Crowe needed the Pope's blessing. But wait! Now it ends.... now it begins? Whaaa?
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Post by wolfmaid7 on Sept 7, 2016 2:55:48 GMT
Do not and i stress do not go see the new Fantastic 4 movie.I'm a Marvel and DC fan and Syfy is at my heart,but guys its baaaaad.DOOM looked like shit,i have mo idea with this plot why these people were brought together it was monumentally bad.
Highlander 2 and Battlefield earth have already been mentioned.How about Barbarella,a mixture of porn and sci fi.Totall crap but its the kind of crap you can't look away from.
Last but not least Mortal Kombat Annihilation and Dragon ballz Z.Don't even watch to see how bad they are.You'll regret even that.
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Post by Some Pig No Doubt on Sept 7, 2016 4:27:19 GMT
Last but not least Mortal Kombat Annihilation and Dragon ballz Z. Mr. Pig owns both of these in blu-ray.  |
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Post by jnr on Sept 7, 2016 4:47:06 GMT
Mr. Pig owns both of these in blu-ray. this. "If you're allowed to buy Dragon Ballz Z, then surely I..." I also got curious to see if IMDB maintains a Worst Movies List and of course it does: www.imdb.com/chart/bottomI've seen none of them but some have damn impressive titles, such as: Birdemic: Shock and Terror
The Hottie & the Nottie
Monster a-Go Go
Who's Your Caddy?
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?
Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace
Santa with Muscles |
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Post by Some Pig No Doubt on Sept 7, 2016 13:16:45 GMT
House of the Dead is on that list??!?  Come on! It is now my life's mission, however, to watch Turks in Space and Fat Slags. In fact, half of the movies on that list that I haven't already seen (  ) are going to be mandatory viewing at some point. These sound too horrible to pass up.
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Post by min on Oct 11, 2016 15:27:01 GMT
Gods of Egypt Sucks so bad. Sinbad meets Jaimie Lannister. Amost as bad as Pompei's version of brooding Jon Snow.
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And not good bad like Evil Dead, where things like continuity glitches are transformed into art.
Come on!
) are going to be mandatory viewing at some point. These sound too horrible to pass up.